


Emptiness

by Malaayna



Series: My Poetry [2]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Implied/Referenced Suicide, My Poetry, Poetry, Suicide, death mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-07
Updated: 2017-08-07
Packaged: 2018-12-12 14:08:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11738652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Malaayna/pseuds/Malaayna
Summary: A poem about depression and suicide





	Emptiness

**Author's Note:**

> Okay I cover some seriously fuvked up shit in this poem  
> So if your easily triggered by suicide, self harm, or death, please dont read this  
> I'm just venting here

There are days when I feel hollow,  
Like I'm a bag of skin with nothing in it  
Like I'm made of smoke that's slowly dispersing in the breeze  
Like, with the right amount of pressure   
The right amount of force,   
I'd simply cease to be  
Like, with the right word uttered,  
I'd just die

I've thought about it, you know   
Dying  
Mostly in abstract ways,  
Or the order my organs would stop  
A slit to the wrist would be, probably, : heart, lungs, brain  
A stab to the chest might be lungs first,  
As they fill with blood  
Slowly drowning in my own bodily fluids  
A car crash I'd probably just SPLAT!  
If it was hard enough  
Before I even realised I was dying

I've been to so many funerals now I wonder if I've beaten some kind of record  
"The highest number of people you fucking care about just ceasing to exist before you realise, before you've told them you love them"  
Probably not 

Drowning would be a horrible way to go   
Feeling the water bubbling in your chest   
Gasping for air and getting anything but   
I still miss you

I know the signs of suicide because I've been there myself   
Because I know people who've been there   
Because I've lost people to it

The general population think its acting really sad and depressed   
But it's not  
It's the exact opposite 

It's finally feeling happy cause you've got everything planned   
Because you've finally found a fucking way out 

It's organising everything into piles,  
With labels and nametags for who you want to get what  
It's counting out the pills in the cupboard,  
Organising them by primary ingredient,  
By how they'd kill you   
It's sharpening your knife for 4 hours  
Mapping your veins   
It's driving without your seatbelt 

Being suicidal as kid really fucks up your brain   
Even if you dont wanna die anymore, it's always there   
I haven't wanted to die in 3 years,  
But I still think about it 

I don't wanna die anymore   
But I still consider swerving in front of B-doubles   
I don't wanna die anymore   
But I still sometimes hold a fistfull of painkillers   
I don't wanna die anymore   
But I still wanna carve my arm open   
Just to see what it looks like inside 

I'm not suicidal anymore,  
I promise   
I just wonder what it would feel like   
I'm not suicidal anymore,  
I promise   
I just wonder whether it would feel better than the nothing I feel right now


End file.
